all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
