They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
