I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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