i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
