he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
