there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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