i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
accomplished twins. life is a go
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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