I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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