Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
