Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
