I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
