And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
