My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
