Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
