i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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