Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
