I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
