We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
