Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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