VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
