Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
