Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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