he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
