I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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