You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
