The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
