i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
