she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
