that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
