I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
