I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
