Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
