I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
