Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
