Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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