One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
