I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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