so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
