I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
