If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
