Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
