i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
