There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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