its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
