dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
