I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
