i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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