she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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