I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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