She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
