I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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