so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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