dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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