Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
