Umm I'm too high to move.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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