Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
