Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
