Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want to have your abortion
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
